The Flat Possum Gazette
Courtesy of the Road-Kill Press
The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
The Flat Possum Test Kitchen's Chief Assistant Researcher (known by the
acronym "FPTKCAR" on her Job Description, and pronounced
"FLATCAR" never to her face) visited the bookstore. She bought a fine,
and very large, tome, entitled:
"The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said -- Many Amusingly Illustrated"
Before breakfast I did a painstaking examination of this volume to learn what was worth passing on. I found a few goodies to exercise the intellect:
1. "A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a whore who looks at her watch."
2. "A gourmet restaurant in Cinncinnati is one where you leave the tray on the table after you eat."
3. "The most dangerous food is wedding cake."
4. "Jews always know two things: suffering and where to find great Chinese food."
5. "Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody."
6. "Eating an anchovy is like eating an eyebrow."
7. "A favorite dish in Kansas is creamed corn on a stick."
8. "Cannibals aren't vegetarians, they're humanitarians."
9. "Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway." (That reminds me, I have my annual physical coming up this week.)
10. "I have learned to spell 'hors d'oeuvres', which grates on many peoples' nerves."
11. "For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton."
12. "The food of Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare."
13. "Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."
14. 'If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
15. "The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt has an active, living culture."
16. "Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn."
17. "It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - - you know someone's fingers have been all over it." (Julia Child, commenting on nouvelle cuisine.)
18. "To one large turkey add one gallon of vermouth and a demijohn of Angostura bitters. Shake. (Recipe for Turkey Cocktail)
And you thought I waste my time. Hah!
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