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The Flat Possum Gazette Test Kitchen Courtesy of the Road-Kill Press |
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The Flat Possum Gazette Test Kitchen Courtesy of the Road-Kill Press |
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The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said
The Flat Possum Test Kitchen's Chief Assistant Researcher (known by the
acronym "FPTKCAR" on her Job Description, and pronounced
"FLATCAR" never to her face) visited the bookstore. She bought a fine,
and very large, tome, entitled:
"The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said -- Many Amusingly
Illustrated"
Before breakfast I did a painstaking examination of this volume to learn what
was worth passing on. I found a few goodies to exercise the intellect:
1. "A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a whore who looks at her
watch."
2. "A gourmet restaurant in Cinncinnati is one where you leave the
tray on the table after you eat."
3. "The most dangerous food is wedding cake."
4. "Jews always know two things: suffering and where to find
great Chinese food."
5. "Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody."
6. "Eating an anchovy is like eating an eyebrow."
7. "A favorite dish in Kansas is creamed corn on a stick."
8. "Cannibals aren't vegetarians, they're humanitarians."
9. "Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway." (That reminds
me, I have my annual physical coming up this week.)
10. "I have learned to spell 'hors d'oeuvres', which grates on many
peoples' nerves."
11. "For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick
off the milk carton."
12. "The food of Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare."
13. "Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like
and let the food fight it out inside."
14. 'If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
15. "The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt has
an active, living culture."
16. "Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn."
17. "It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - - you know someone's
fingers have been all over it." (Julia Child, commenting on nouvelle
cuisine.)
18. "To one large turkey add one gallon of vermouth and a demijohn of
Angostura bitters. Shake. (Recipe for Turkey Cocktail)
And you thought I waste my time. Hah!
Dad